Another Chemo

I had another treatment on Friday, 21sept2012...I was thinking that it was the 3rd one, but looking at a previous post, I see that it is the 4th, I guess. I should count them. Maybe not. It went really well. It only took a couple of hours from the time that I arrived. Afterwards, I went home and then decided to go out and about to visit some friends. Worked in the yard some and climbed up on the roof with a roofer to see if their was any damage from storms earlier in the summer. I was trying to use some energy in order to wear down the effects of the steroids. It seemed to work. I was able to get a nap in the evening and some real sleep later on.
Usually, after the Alimta treatment and administration of the steroids, I am awake for 30 hours. Of course, doing it the way that I did this time gave me some rest up front. Problem is, it has made my sleeping sketchy for the rest of the weekend. It is Tuesday morning and I have been sleeping off and on in bits of 2 hours and 5 hours.
On Saturday, I got a call from a man that I had met at the Taco stand several weeks ago. He wanted me to do a Birthday Party for his daughter. Sunday. I was aware that it was upcoming, though I didn't have a specific date, so I was able to do it. It was only one block away and there were about 40 adults and 25 kids. It was a fun time!
I wore the new Outfit that was designed and put together by Susan and her sister, Linda:

I didn't feel tired after clowning, but I have decided to take it easy for the next few days because I feel a little bit shaky. Always before, I have tried to do everything normal and ended up last time with a longer-than-usual amount of fatigue. Both the Dr. and nurses have told me that I have to pace myself. If I were working, I would probably have a better idea of that concept. Since my time is only realized by the different interests and tasks that I assign for myself each day, it is easy to get distracted and to sometimes do more than I should. I am going to try to formulate a schedule to follow each day and week to better utilize my time and to be able discern what I can and can't do...what helps and what wears me down. I would like to take one day a week to work on music, one for programming and computer interests, one for genealogy, one for Mars, etc.
I am so disorganized that I just make little lists of things that I need to do and want to do and then I try to do them all at once. I get some things done, but if I organized my time better, I am sure that I would get a lot more accomplished! I have been meaning to practice my juggling, too. So many things, but I know that if I just adhered to a schedule that I could get some real satisfaction of completing tasks. I think that I got into a mode of thinking that I needed to get a lot of things done because I didn't know how much time I had...ha..
Well, Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !    And, Trust in the Lord !

Still Clowning

I was invited to the summer picnic at AmVets Post 148 last Saturday. It was the second or third time that I had the pleasure of clowning at their event. It was great fun and I had the chance to wear my new clown outfit.

The E-Girls, Susan and Linda, have been hard at work making me this outfit. It has been a labor of Love ! I love the color orange, so it was a nice surprise. The first time that I tried it on and looked in the mirror, it made me smile and laugh. I am used to being a Tramp/hobo/misfit character. Some clowns have even said that I am a bit of an Auguste. But, this new outfit seems to change my character's personality a wee bit. It makes me somewhat sillier. With my other outfits that are a hodgepodge of tuxedo or bright sportcoats, I feel gruff. I enjoy arguing with the children. I have an "invisible dog" leash with a wig attached to it and the kids are always wondering if it is a real dog or not. So, that is always a point of contention. And, I have a mouse and a monkey in a blanket and they always want to know if they are real... Also, whenever a child requests a spaceship balloon or dinosaur or penguin, etc., I like to tell them that when I was attending the Klown Kollege of Komedy Knowledge that I wasn't feeling well the day they had the balloon classes and never learned how to make the different balloon animals and sculptures! Then, I proceed to make an Alien Sword or Princess Wand and try to force it on them. If they continue to insist on a particular balloon, though, I go ahead and make it! It's just that a part of my character entertains through interaction and a lot of the kids like to be vocal and silly. So, the banter is a big part of my act.

When I wore the new outfit, I wondered how it would manifest itself in my entertainment. It did make me a lot more playful and silly. I will be watching to see how my character evolves as I wear the new outfit. Since I look for every opportunity to clown around, I usually am wearing some clownish clothes and a hat and my red nose. I will save the new outfit for "official" gigs, I guess.

I was at the picnic for nearly two hours and all was fun and it didn't seem to tire me out. However, these past few days since my Chemo have been full of fatigue. I think that the Alimta must prevent my body from replenishing itself with energy, protein, carbos and calories if I have exerted myself with too much strenuous activity. If I am re-arranging things around the house or trying to do some repairs or painting there comes a point (usually after 20 to 45 minutes) when I just can't do any more. When I have exerted myself and used-up some energy, I am completely done! The only thing I can do is lie down for a few hours and let my body replenish itself gradually. It is frustrating, for sure.

Then, Monday nite I had problems with my allergies (ragweed, etc.) and when I went to bed I awoke a few hours later and was drowning. My system was manufacturing so much phlegm in reaction to the allergies and it was pouring into my lungs and I couldn't catch a breath. I got up and had some warm liquids and coughed and coughed and blew my nose constantly for an hour in a feeble attempt to breathe. I thought I was going to have to wake my wife and have her take me to the ER. In the end, I sat in my recliner and drank warm liquids and finally fell asleep for awhile.

I have asked the Drs. and looked for answers online to see how this all will end. I don't think about Cancer anymore...haven't for quite some time. My overwhelming thoughts are taken over by the effects of the Chemo and the extreme fatigue that it proffers. But, when I have an episode like the allergies or when I felt that I was getting a cold and worried that it would turn into pneumonia, I think of Death. We all have to die sometime and it could happen in an accident or a heart attack without warning...I know all that. It is just that when you have a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer, you know that your time is limited and you wonder it the end will be with a lot of cancer pain or eating away or organs failing--or what?  I surmise that my time will end somewhat peacefully due to pneumonia or an inability to breathe due to allergies and lung congestion. I guess I should talk to my oncologist to see if there is a way to prevent that!

Anyway, I am glad I was able to clown around at the picnic and it didn't tire me out ! I really want to do more if I can find a way to circumvent this energy-draining thing. If I can just get to a point where I know which days I will be normal and energized. I know that the first few days (this time it has been a lot longer, maybe I need to stop trying so hard!) are rough but I usually get back to normal by the second week.

Well, Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!

3rd Alimta Treatment

I had my 3rd Chemo with Alimta Friday the 31st of August. I take Dexamethasone, a potent steroid to counteract a side effect, namely a rash, the day before and the day after the Chemo. The nurse also injected a dose of it before the Chemo. I told her that after Chemo I usually am awake for 24-30 hours. She said that I was lucky. Lucky? Yes, she added, most people are up for 3 or 4 days! Mercy!
I also told her that I was thinking of asking my Oncologist about stopping treatment for awhile. She noted that he probably wouldn't okay it unless I was having problems. My blood counts are very good and I am tolerating it well, so he would probably want me to stay on it. I am afraid that if I made the decision unilaterally that it might be harder to get back on it...or, God forbid, the cancer come roaring back and I would be having to play a lot of "catch-up"! So, I will discuss this with my Doctor, I trust him and he is always honest and very helpful to me. I will abide by his advice.
I got to Chemo at 8am and was out of there by 1030am. A man from my church, Bill, gave me a ride and stayed in the room with me. He got a kick out of me entertaining the nurses and staff as I entered the Ward. I made a napkin rose, balloon, gave out stickers, showed off my all-day oreo and JoJou the mouse and gave out over-sized ten-dollar bills.  Oh yes, and I gave them all kisses---Hersey Kisses!

When I left Chemo, I went to visit Gary and Susan for awhile. Susan was off with Linda working on my new Clown outfit. I visited Gary for awhile and then went home and got something to eat and visited with my wife. Then, about 530pm I went to Polo's Taco Stand and took some balloons with me. I was in clown character but there weren't any customers. I visited with Polo for awhile and then, as I was leaving, 2 families pulled up. I gave a little girl a yo-yo balloon and some stickers and I gave a boy and girl with the other family an alien sword and princess wand. I made a napkin rose for the father and told him to give it to his "esposo". He thanked me and said that he would be calling me soon to do a birthday party for his daughter in a couple of weeks!
After I left the Taco Stand I headed to a new business in town called Penny Lane Art Gallery and Coffee Shop. Susan and Linda were going to be there and also a blues singer named Doug Hart. When I got there, he was just starting his set. I went to sit with Linda and Susan and a friend of theirs, also named Susan. We all went to High School together. I didn't want to detract from the singer, but I very surreptitiously approached a young couple and gave away a yo-yo balloon and over-sized ten dollar bill and took their pictures with my Polaroid sticker camera. Then, Susan pointed out that their were a couple of kids behind our table, so I showed them JoJou the Mouse and they told me that it wasn't real. I told them it was and I stuck to my story. Then I made an alien sword and princess wand for them and took their pictures with my sticker camera.

I also gave a yo-yo balloon and ten dollar bill to an older couple at another table. Bruce E was at the Cafe and we sat and visited and listened to Doug Hart play several more songs. He was very good.
It was getting to be about 8pm so I decided to get Home. I had something to eat, i.e. two sausages, spinach, fritos a SoBe, graham crackers and a chocolate bar (Hamlet with peanuts). Then, my wife and I watched some Hannity and then Inspector Lewis on PBS (that we taped a few nights ago).
We watched the 700 club earlier in the day and a segment was about a young man that was a magician and contracted Acute Leukemia and it was really "blowing-up" his body. He called on the Lord to show himself and do something. Remember, this guy was a magician. He didn't ask for a healing, per se, he asked the Lord to show him his might, a miracle. The doctors had told him that his condition was rare and only 9 million people might be considered for a match for a bone marrow translplant. They later said they found only 16 matches and could only contact 10 of them !  Then, when they were able to convince just one of them to participate, he had the transplant. The doctors then called his wife out of the room and told her that it might not work and that he would go downhill very fast. Well, it worked! Praise the Lord !
I am going to go to Church tonite (Saturday) and I would like to go Sunday morning, but I know from experience that my Chemo usually kicks in with a lot of fatigue on Sunday near the afternoon so I don't usually manage it. But, I always try. I just am so thankful that the Lord has been through all of this with me and given me the strength and truth to manage it.
When you surrender your soul to the Lord and trust him, he will bring you blessings and Love beyond all understanding.
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!

To Chemo or Not?

I will be having my next Chemo with Alimta this Friday, August 31st. I may have one more, I don't know...this past year has been a roller coaster of pain, fatigue and some normalcy. With Alimta, I have about 10 days of feeling normal. I have extreme fatigue for a few days after the treatment and then again for a week before the next one. I don't know how bad the cancer would be---probably pretty bad, but the Chemo really takes a toll on me. I am growing weary of it.
After reading other blogs and the forums, I have found that a lot of people dis-continue the treatments for a time.
I trust in the Lord and know that he has brought me healing. I also trust that he will give me guidance and wisdom for my decision. He has a plan for me whether it is on this Earth or in Heaven.
I have begun to get depressed and even pondered the idea to quit Clowning. Something that I don't want to do. I need to focus on finding another job to start paying my medical bills and to get back on my feet financially. It is hard to live month to month on fifty dollars. I tried to sell balloons, but that is not how I clown. It takes the fun out of it when you are clowning just to make some bucks and not to spread some smiles. I am sure that I spread smiles while I am selling balloons and I do have fun. At the end of the day if I have only sold 3 balloons and clowned for 5 hours then I feel like I am a failed businessman and not a successful clown. I would rather just be a successful clown. So, I will put clowning on the back-burner and go to work and when I find some free time, I will go back to Clowning.

Our Clown Alley had our meeting this last Tuesday at the Boss Clown's church. It is a huge church with a children's area that is themed to look like a movie theater. We had the meeting and then watched some videos of Red Skelton and Carol Burnett. It was great fun! And, we had popcorn and pink lemonade!

There is a parade this Monday, Labor Day, at the Kettering Holiday at Home celebration. I haven't decided yet whether I will participate or not. I love parades...but...coming on the heels of my Chemo and my worrisome mind, I don't feel like I would be able to give it my all. And, far be it from me to let down my clown buddies or my legion of fans...I just don't feel like I could cope with it mentally or physically.
I have been praying for direction and understanding. What will be, will be.
Tomorrow is another day...
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !

SoBe lifewater

Well, this Alimta is not too bad...a lot of fatigue for a few days. But, otherwise, it doesn't mess with me like the other Chemo did. I had a few stabbing pains in my stomach from exercising too much. My shoulders have gotten really thin and I tried doing some sit-ups and push-ups. When my body tries to repair or strengthen tissue it signals the Chemo that something is suspicious and it attacks the process right away. They are tweaking drugs all of the time to try to keep them from targeting normal cells but I would imagine that it is very difficult to distinguish between fast-dividing/growing normal cells and cancer cells!
All year long I have been trying different things to get me through this. I have mentioned the Bath and Body Works product of Eucalyptus-Spearmint body lotion that helps with aching joints and peripheral neuropathy. And, the Swiss Kriss that is great for constipation and is all natural. Also, the Chemo changes your sense of taste and meat doesn't always taste very good so I have tried different fish and have also become a regular boiled-egg consumer. Beets and spinach and lettuce and tomatoes and olives taste fine. I don't drink milk anymore. I was constantly hunting for fruit juice that was not from concentrate. I know, buy fruit and make your own...I do that now and again.
Most of the juices and liquids and products that I have purchased in years past are now becoming infused with artificial sweeteners, so I have to spend a lot of time reading labels!
Early on I discovered SoBe Lifewater!
I had gone to a couple of Birthday parties and when someone offered me a bottle of water I was able to take about 3 sips and then I would choke if I drank more! It seemed that the water was just too thin. Carbonated drinks didn't have that effect, but there is way too much sugar in sodas and the sweetness is way too sweet for my taste buds! I tried SoBe and found it to be just the right viscosity and sweetness.

I like the Yumberry Pomegrante and fuji apple and dragonberry. I like all of them, in fact, but I find myself leaning towards the Yumberry most of the time...probably because of the name!
I started Chemo not knowing what to expect and it took several treatments before I was able to become accustomed to all of the side effects and how to deal with them. I read forums and blogs and talked to the Doctors and other people. A lot of the time I got an answer, "Well, everyone is different..." I do know that there are some commonalities though: constipation, hydration, fatigue and weird pains!
That is why I decided to keep this blog updated every step of the way. So that other people can know what to expect and how I am able to cope !
So, the lesson for today is if you want to stay hydrated and you want something that won't choke you and tastes just right and doesn't contain artificial sweeteners and a lot of other garbage -- grab yourself a bottle of SoBe and see if it works for you like it does for me ! This is unsolicited, but if I find a product that I think highly of, then I am going to shout it to the World !
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!

2nd Round of Chemo--Alimta

Well, I had my second round of Alimta on Friday. It went well and faster, too. Last time it took 4 hours but this time it was only 2 hours ! That's an improvement. I looked at my blog from the 1st Alimta and I couldn't get any sleep for a couple of days. This time, I have laid down twice for a couple of hours and couldn't sleep--so I guess that is normal.The lack of sleep is because of the steroids they give me before and after the treatment that is to prevent a rash. I had a rash for several days before this last treatment. On my shoulder and then my back. The medicine apparently works right up until the next treatment.
I also felt like my head was warm, like a fever, but I checked and I didn't have a fever. I started feeling flu-like symptoms but they didn't last long. The extreme fatigue hasn't set in yet, but I imagine that it will by tomorrow evening. I will have to pace myself and watch out for it. It usually lasts for 4-5 days, I think. And then I feel pretty normal.

A woman from the church, Brenda, gave me a ride to my Oncologist on Thursday and then took me to my Chemo on Friday. I am so blessed to belong to a church that can help me with transportation when I need it. My wife has an irratic work schedule so she is not always available.
While I was receiving my Chemo, Marty the Clown stopped by and brought me a really cool shirt...clown shirt...one that squeaks...check it out:

                                      --------> click for video New Shirt

My next Chemo will be on August 31. I need to start looking for some part-time work. I wasn't able to work during my first round of Chemo this year (6 months) because it really laid me low. And, although I kept a good attitude, I know that it was in the back of my mind that things could go horribly wrong...that it could get away from me. I never got depressed, but I came close a few times. Cancer is a strong determinant of how you think about your life. I just kept praying for others and telling God that I was ready to go where ever he had a plan for me. Whether it was to stay on this Earth or to be in Heaven...or to Go to Mars !  Anyway, I made it through the first 6 months of this year and, originally, I thought I might not make it through the Summer. Now, I am hoping to make it to Christmas. According to my Doctors, I have responded well to the Chemo so far and have a good chance of going 4 or 5 more years. But, I will leave that to the Lord. I won't quit, I won't back down, but I will accept whatever comes my way...
I have been fortunate to enjoy a lot of Clowning so far this year. Most of it Volunteer or simply going out and sharing the Smiles. While I am looking for work, I will continue looking for Clown gigs and also volunteer wherever I am needed to do some clowning.
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!!

When Normal is Great !

It has been 3 weeks since my last Chemo and the first experience with Alimta. So far, the only bad side effects are fatigue and most of that has abated. I get tired easily if I am doing physical stuff, but I mostly feel myself again!
 Although, I had a nightmare last night wherein a large angelfish was trying to chew my toes off. I awoke screaming (I don't guess it was out loud because it didn't wake my wife) and the first thing I noticed was that my toes felt like they were being stabbed by an ice-pick! I jumped up and ran into the living room and grabbed my eucalyptus/spearmint lotion and slathered it on. I checked my med-log and noticed that it had been 5 hours since my last pain med, so I took one. Then I decided to walk outside to get some fresh air and walk it off. But, there was a skunk in the back yard! I looked around and saw a half-brick lying by the drain spout and I threw it at him to try to get him to leave the yard. He looked at me with a look that said, "Want to try that again?" Now, he wasn't threatening me, he was merely calling attention to my foolishness. So, I went back inside and out the front door and walked around for about 10 minutes in front of the house. I felt better and finally made it back to sleep. But all and all I feel pretty good. My feet always seem to be half-asleep and tingling and burning, but the pain meds take that away.
I have another treatment coming up...maybe this Friday, I don't know. I see my oncologist on Thursday and I surmise he will let me know what will happen. I read an article on the BBC website that said that Chemo treatments actually work against themselves because when they attack normal cells, the body strengthens its immune system and fights the Chemo. That means that the Chemo becomes ineffective, or less effective, over time. I had read on several cancer forums that medications cease to be effective after awhile, so I guess this is the reason (or one of them) why.
For the last 5 years or so I have had the pleasure of entertaining at a family reunion in Wilmington for the Oldest Black Family reunion in the country. It started in 1893! I was wondering if I would get a call this year--as the usual date was fast approaching. I had this on my mind when I got home from running some errands last Thursday and lo and behold---they called me for that Saturday! My wife graciously drove me to the reunion and it was a lot of fun and a grand experience! At one point they mentioned that it was President Obama's Birthday and though I am not a big fan of his leadership, I gladly joined in when they sang Happy Birthday ! We should always celebrate another person's Birthday.
Here is a video of me at the Reunion:

                                                     click HERE:   Simpson Family Reunion 2012


Also, I will appearing at a local library this Wednesday. I hope to do some Magic and Walkaround and, of course, twist some balloons:

Things are looking up...this pic is from a print that Patty Vicknair sent to me. She painted it. She is a remarkable artist and the link to her site and paintings is on the right side of this page-----> .

I imagine the next Chemo will put me out of action for a week with extreme fatigue, but the Lord is good and I hope that it goes as well as last time and that I can get some more Normal!

Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !