Humans on Mars

Back in 2000 or 2001, I became involved with the Mars Society. It promotes Human Exploration and Settlement of the Planet Mars. It also is actively involved in a lot of research for going to Mars and creating sustainable habitats for living there.
When people would hear me talking about Mars and the settlement thereof, they would respond with questions about why we would even think about going to Mars--what with all of the problems in the World. Wouldn't our money be better spent elsewhere? Well, in just a couple of years no one was asking that question anymore. As the U.S. govt began to turn its back on Space Exploration (especially Human Exploration), people began to ask me if I thought it would happen and when !

(The Mars Society logo)

I remember in 1969 (yes, I remember the 60's) that I was interested in Woodstock, but not too much. I was still ecstatic over the Moon Landing the month before ! The Apollo program sent many astronauts to the Moon and it looked like we were going to begin exploring and settling the Solar System ! Of course, with NASA holding all of the cards it was hard to imagine an average citizen being able to get involved with the Space program. But the dream of humans going into Space was exciting. Star Trek fueled that dream, as well as Star Wars and many other TV series and movies.
Yet, something happened. Who knows what? Our govt decided to head in many different directions other than human exploration. I guess the tragedies of the shuttle mishaps influenced that decision. The Space Program had grown so fast and gotten so big that corners were being cut and the necessary precautions for the safety of the crews were not being met. And, the military decided that the high ground of Space should belong to them, I guess.
The Mars Society had a contest one year. It was to write a short story that addressed the question, Why Should We Go to Mars? I entered a micro story. I felt that a short story should be just that. I think it was only 3/4 of a page in length! Dr. Zubrin, one of the founders of the Mars Society and the current Fearless Leader, always talks about how NASA and the government are selling rope--not missions. He always stressed that a mission to Mars could be done a lot cheaper than what government estimates were. In other words, if NASA said a mission to Mars would be 800 billion dollars, Zubrin felt that it could be done for 70 billion. I agree. So, with that in mind, I wrote a "micro" short story.
It was about a father and his daughter that were walking on the top of Olympus Mons (on Mars) and the daughter asks him the question, "Daddy, why is the sky Orange?" And, the man thinks to himself, as he looks at the sky, "I bet there is a father on Earth that is getting this same question..."
I watched the launch of the Falcon 9 Tuesday night. Elon Musk started the company SpaceX that built and launched the Falcon9 with 100 million of his own money. His stated purpose in starting his own rocket company is to send humans to Mars. I have seen him at the Mars Society Conventions and it is always exciting to see someone with that strength of conviction and zest for exploration.

(This is a screenshot of the Live stream of the Falcon9 launch.)

I have been telling people for the last 3 or 4 years that the first humans will get to Mars because of private enterprise. And, that looks to be the case. I also feel that when the first human sets foot on Mars, that every member of the Mars Society can feel proud that they carried the torch to help make this happen. When I go to their conventions I am always amazed to see the progress being made to get humans to Mars and beyond! There are people from all walks of life. People all working to realize the dream of settling another Planet.

I started this blog to talk about my interest in Mars and to report on people and events that are going on around the world to settle new civilizations(Out There!). And, then I was informed that I had Stage IV cancer and I changed the blog to let people know what a person goes through when they have to endure the roller-coaster experience of Chemo-therapy.

I thought, at first, that my life might be considerably shorter than I had thought it would be. I had to put my Clowning and Mars activities on hold. I used to joke that I always wanted to be the Clown spokesperson for NASA. I even have an autographed picture from an astrounaut that I met (to Careful the Clown) and when I told her of my desire to be the spokesClown, I don't think she thought I was serious !

But, when I am engaged in The Mars Society activities, I twist Alien balloons and try to educate people about Mars while I am clowning around! So, I am fulfilling a part of that dream!

And, I am fighting this booger of a cancer because I really want to be wearing my Red Nose when I step out onto the surface of the Planet Mars !!!

Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !

Year of the Clown

This past week has been pretty rough. I guess it was no rougher than the other "first weeks" after a Chemo treatment, but I seem to be a lot weaker. I use to be able to walk up to Gary and Susan's (half a mile) and then get a ride back. And, I used to walk to the park and back (two blocks). Now I can only walk about a hundred yards and back. And, I used to be able to safely go out and about for 2, 3 or 4 hours and come back home only because I had something to do or I wanted to take a nap to be able to stay up all evening.

Several people have told me that when the Chemo is finished that my energy, stamina and motivation will return to normal. I certainly hope so. And, my surgeon said that my lungs should be in better shape than when I started.
I sat down at the computer several times this past week to work on this blog and several other things but I couldn't maintain the energy to keep a steady stream of thought. And, where I used to spend an hour or two on facebook, now I can only spend maybe 20 minutes to a half an hour.
The second week after Chemo usually finds me feeling pretty normal...we'll see.
When the news of Donna Summers' death came out this past week and I learned that she had lung cancer, it was resident in my thoughts. She wasn't a smoker and felt that the 9/11 event had a hand in her condition. I read somewhere that over 1000 people that were exposed to the dust and pollutants from that day have died since then.
I haven't taken the time to find out how a person dies from lung cancer. I have asked my doctors and it seems that the spreading of the cancer can be a factor or pneumonia (I would think aspiration pneumonia would do you in). Sometimes when I have to lay down I wonder if the spark of life just goes out...I mean, there is tiredness and fatigue and malaise...but, there are also times when I just feel like my LifeForce is fading and I hate to lay down, but I take my mp3 player with me that has a lot of comedy and futuristic lectures on it and I pray and then I just trust that I will awake later on. There is no fear or resignation, only the knowledge that one might wake in another world ! I have awoke with a start--sometimes because of acid reflux or sometimes because of a weird dream and sometimes for no reason at all. Early on, I used to wake up in a panic because I actually wasn't breathing and couldn't breathe ! I would jump out of bed and stand there and the panic would change to consternation when I realized that my lungs just wouldn't work. I would stand, willing my lungs to work and then, eventually, they would start again. It happened so often that it became too normal to worry about ! But, that has not happened in several weeks.

 the video:Don't forget to take your meds...

So, why am I calling this the Year of the Clown?
Well, aside from the prayers and support from family and friends and the medical community, I feel that my Clown has carried me through this ordeal.
I don't drive anymore...I may in the future...so my clowning is limited. I go out and about when I can safely carry enough energy along, and visit businesses uptown or friends and when I am en route and I encounter people that are happy to see an obvious Clown out and about, I hand out stickers and clown a wee bit. It has energized me and kept my spirits rolling right along! I am hoping to do a lot of volunteering when I finish treatments and maybe do a few clown gigs. For now, I leave the house not as a civilian but as Careful the Clown. I may not wear makeup or my usual attire. But, my attitude and my hat and my red nose announce to the world that I am making my rounds !
I used to be a humorous sort and don the Clown when I was engaged to do so. I used to put the Clown away when it wasn't necessary or appropriate. This year, however, I have been in Clown probably 90% of the time !!!
I was musing on that the other day when I was wondering how I had missed 5 months of this year...and realized that, even though this past year has been a roller coaster and a blur, Careful the Clown has been smiling and spreading good cheer all along the way !!!
Life is good...Life is an Adventure !!!

Chemo Number 5

I arrived for my Fifth Chemo in Glorious Splendour !!! I brought Kisses for the Nurses and also some Red Noses. The nurse didn't have any problems finding a good vein and so she stuck me and then ran saline into me for awhile...I listened to Bob and Ray and dozed a bit. I awoke briefly as she began to load into me the first pre-med. I received 5 pre-meds altogether...I think...I slept through it all, awakening at 1:30pm to find that the first Chemo med was about to finish...it is Taxol...I had arrived at the Chemo at 8:00am so I had a good sleep...however, what with all of the liquids pouring into me non-stop, I was peeing as I got up and rushed into the bathroom...there was a blood pressure cuff on me and the IV monitors were plugged into a wall outlet, so I moved with haste to disconnect everything as I moved more determinedly to the water closet...I made it but I still had a bit of wetness so I had to change into another pair of pants. Last time I experienced the same thing but didn't have a spare so used a lot of paper towels to try to wash and dry my pants...this time I only brought a pair of sweat pants and they lasted till I got home.
The 2nd Chemo drug was affixed and poured into me and I was out of the Hospital at about 4:00pm.
I forgot to mention that when I woke-up the first time, I asked the nurse when she came in (due to the beepings from the disconnected blood pressure cuff and monitors) if she had seen any clowns other than me. She told me that, yes, a clown had appeared a while ago and was patiently waiting out front. And, then in came Folly !!!

She had a bag of Hospital props and she showed them to me and it was very, very Entertaining! We talked about my Chemos and about clowning and about the up and coming Red Skelton Parade in Vincennes Indiana in June. I have been to them in 2006, 2007 and 2008 and would like to go this year if I am able. Folly gave me a crayon with wings attached to it and told me that I was passing the Chemo with "Flying Colors" !
And, then when I was ready to leave the Hospital, I received a call that Jerry Black and Lyle Kelly were in the lobby and wanted to see me. They are with the Mars Society - Ohio Chapter and I went down and visited with them and evidently there is a Space event for families at the USAirForce Museum and the Mars Society will be having a display. Hopefully, I can get a ride out to it !
So, I made it home and had a light snack of a boiled egg and some grapefruit juice and then I went and visited Gary and Susan and then Polo the Taco Man. It is now 11:30pm and I started the day at 6:00am...of course, I had a nice sleep in the middle of about 6 hours !
I feel pretty normal and I am always waiting for another shoe to drop. But I trust in the Lord.
Oh, speaking of shoes, the final Chemo medication has an interesting side-effect that causes me to become invisible for a time. I stood on the bed as it poured in and took a picture (timed-shutter) and noticed that my clown shoes are magically still visible ! I'll have to remember that...

Life is good...Life is an Adventure !!!

Hoping for a Good Vein

I'll be seeing my Dr. this Thursday. I always have to have a blood test to make sure that I am okay to have another Chemo. This will be 5 of 6. I never study for the blood test, but I always seem to pass ! I plan to ask him about the veins in my arms. On Chemos 2 and 3 I had blow-outs and a flare-up. The flare-up manifested itself by a vein that the IV was in began to burn and then turned a bright orange ! They removed the IV and used another vein. I think I also had a blow out on the other arm. Not sure what all this is...I looked it up and it is not too worrisome, it just means that they have to use another vein. And, it is a fairly common occurence--as the chemicals are pretty harsh and the veins get inflammed and also weaken over time.

I have been fairing pretty well this week. Been tired. Yesterday I went to bed at about 5pm. I was kind of tired today, but I fought it and went out visiting for awhile and didn't take a nap. I seem to look forward to my Chemos because, although I sleep through them and then go home and sleep some more, they make me feel better and I seem to have a lot of energy for a couple of days before the side effects start kicking in.
My feet have been bothering me. I get some peripheral neuropathy (tingling of the nerves at the end of my fingers and toes) and the balls of my feet seem to ache and burn. I bought some 3 in 1 support insoles at CVS this past week and they seem to have made a big difference !
My Chemo-brain seems to be absent so my mind is a lot clearer...knock on wood...I still have a hard time kicking myself in the arse to get things done though. I try to take care of a few things everyday. It never seems to be enough and I always seem to be behind in reviewing bills and making phone calls, etc.
I still feel fortunate and blessed that I am responding so well to the Chemo. Praise the Lord and thanks to family, clowns and friends and fellowship at Church.
This past four months have been a blur and I am just now starting to think about how serious this whole thing is. But, I am not going to let it intrude on my life. I will keep an eye on it for sure, but there is nothing I can do at this point except soldier on and be the best I can be. I never made a Bucket List and I don't plan on ever making one. I just want to get to a point where I can actually plan on activities such as volunteering and Clowning Around. I have put everything on hold, pretty much, because I never know how I am going to be feeling one day to the next. I have cut back on my pain killers. I used to wake up two or three times a night with pain, but now I can sleep 7 hours before having to get up. During the day, I try to space them out as far as I can. Sometimes my shoulder hurts, but mainly I get a tightening in my neck which is probably the result of the invasive biopsy. So...
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!

Nothing Doing

It was a fairly uneventful week. My Chemo-brain has abated and my mind has been clear ! I was also pain free. The fatigue was mostly absent. I felt a little bit foggy and tired at times but it was not as overwhelming as it has been in the past. In fact, I would have to say that I felt close to normal for the first time all year.
Is it May already? I have no idea where January and the other months went !
I felt a bit tired today and yesterday-- mostly from boredom or lack of motivation. I did go to the park several times this week and I also went uptown and did a lot of casual visiting. While at the park on Wednesday (I think) I saw some people engaging in LARP. That is an anachronym for "Live Action Role Playing". It was interesting to watch...

 I didn't get anything accomplished that I thought I would...I think I was flummoxed that I was feeling my old self again. I will see my Doctor next week and find out when my next Chemo will be. I imagine that it will be on Friday the 11th, but I was off by a week last month so I'll just have to see.
As I have stated on this blog many times, I am fortunate that I haven't experienced the more difficult side effects that some people have. It lays me out for a few days and I spend a week or more recovering. This time it was a week of feeling bad and a week of near normal. It is just so hard to predict or plan any activities. If I were employed (gainfully), I wonder how many days I would have had to leave work or call off ! I probably would have tried to soldier on only to find that the effort was to no avail and I would probably have to end up taking a leave of absence. I have read on other blogs about individuals who continue to work and raise their families. I don't know how they do it and I imagine it is really difficult. I think most of them are 20-30 years younger than I and maybe that explains their excess energy. I remember when I was being treated for prostate cancer and also taking care of my father and working and beginning a new marriage, it just seemed to be a matter of managing my time. This time around, though, is quite a bit different. It was serious and sudden and my age worked against me when it came to calling on energy reserves.
This seems a good time to mention alternative therapies and diets...a few people have offered me advice concerning supplements or diets. And, I notice internet and social media postings about alternative treatments besides surgery, radiation or chemo. Before this diagnosis of Stage 4 Lung Cancer, I had always read with interest about alternatives and also about famous people that had tried radical therapies when others had failed.
But, you know, as much as I love Life, I don't take much stock in what is outside Mainstream Medicine right now. I dug into articles about miracle cures and helpful diets and supplements and I find them to be fairly antiquated and unsupported.
My appetite has been good and my weight has held steady. I had constipation problems so I went, pretty much to a liquid and vegan diet. I am eating baby food also. I have found that grapefruit juice tastes best to me when I get a bitter taste in my mouth. Also, it is not made from concentrate and does not have added sugar or preservatives. I eat romain lettuce or cobb salads with vinegar and oil. If I want protein, I eat pink salmon or hard-boiled eggs. For sweets I rely on Boston Baked Beans candy and Made-in-Canada-rough-edged-no-quality-control Lifesavers.
I look skinny in the mirror and feel like I have lost muscle but I have only lost maybe ten pounds and that was mostly the result of the hair on my head falling out !
So, here is where the year went:  Chemo...one week of dis-orientation, major fatigue and roving pain...then, a week of recovering and fatigue...then, a week of getting prepared for the next round...and, Repeat...that about sums up 4 Chemos (12-15 weeks).
Everyone's physical being is different. Everyone handles  and their body responds to treatments differently. Cancer attacks and meets with varying results according to it's makeup and the individual's makeup.
What I have learned from this experience is this: you will get through it if you are a good patient and you trust your Doctor and the medical community. You will have a better time of it if you stay as active as possible and stay social. You will benefit from exercising your Spirituality through prayer and fellowship. You are a child of God and you must trust...
My poor little Robot, JoJobt, is waging his own battle...he seems to have an electrical short and I don't have the technological expertise to operate on him. I may have to summon the energy to call upon his Maker: the Wowee company, in hopes of finding a specialist for him ! I know he would love to clown with me again and I miss his shennanigans !
http://youtu.be/qjpX2yciY9E   Careful the Clown and JoJobt and the Alien Sword !!!

Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !