I learned a new word today: Catabolic. It is, apparently, what I am experiencing. When the actual muscle tissue in the body endures lengthened stretches of the catabolic state, it eats away at itself in an attempt to find a source of stored energy.
For the past few weeks I have been working with a thera-band and some grippers in an attempt to build back my arm, shoulder, hand and back muscles. When I looked in the mirror shortly after my radiation treatments, I was literally skin and bones. So, I began trying short and light exercises to try to build back my upper body strength and muscles. I also have been trying short (100-200 yard) walks. I think my peripheral neuropathy in my feet is slowly going away because I get screaming pain at the ends of my toes and the bottom and sides of my feet now and then. When I go for walks I am tired when I begin and tired when I end. But, not more tired. And, I am not out of breath. With the neuropathy, though, my toes are constantly clenching because I can't feel my feet bending normally. It is a balancing act. I walk like an intoxicated person! But, it gets smoother now and then so I think it is getting better.
The muscle thing, on the other hand is different. I noticed that, along with bouts of fatigue, that my muscles were constantly sore and achy. It never went away, even if I rested for a couple of days. I am up and down several times a night with the pain in my muscles and feet.
My appetite has fallen off a bit but I was eating an egg every morning and a meal at night along with some snacks. I noticed, however, that I wasn't able to eat as much and I had to force myself to eat.
So, today when I saw my Radiation Oncologist and Nutritionist, I expressed this to them. That is when they told me about the Catabolic state and they said I was wasting away. That I needed to eat, eat and eat and stop exercising. Short walks are fine, but limit the physical activity until I have gained enough weight to come out of the Catabolism. It will be hard.
Also, I got the results of my PET scan that I had on the 21st and I wanted to cry. The chemos and radiation hit their targets with good results, but the Cancer has fought back and re-appeared in my neck and both of my lungs. I'll talk to my main Oncologist about this next week. I am on Tarceva and it should be helping...
I trust in the Lord and am not ready to throw in the towel. This is just another chapter. I need to slow down and gain weight. I need to rest and limit my Clowning to just one or two things for the rest of the year. I need to win this battle (or die trying?)...we'll see what transpires...eat, eat and eat and rest and rest and walk and smile !
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!
