To Chemo or Not?

I will be having my next Chemo with Alimta this Friday, August 31st. I may have one more, I don't know...this past year has been a roller coaster of pain, fatigue and some normalcy. With Alimta, I have about 10 days of feeling normal. I have extreme fatigue for a few days after the treatment and then again for a week before the next one. I don't know how bad the cancer would be---probably pretty bad, but the Chemo really takes a toll on me. I am growing weary of it.
After reading other blogs and the forums, I have found that a lot of people dis-continue the treatments for a time.
I trust in the Lord and know that he has brought me healing. I also trust that he will give me guidance and wisdom for my decision. He has a plan for me whether it is on this Earth or in Heaven.
I have begun to get depressed and even pondered the idea to quit Clowning. Something that I don't want to do. I need to focus on finding another job to start paying my medical bills and to get back on my feet financially. It is hard to live month to month on fifty dollars. I tried to sell balloons, but that is not how I clown. It takes the fun out of it when you are clowning just to make some bucks and not to spread some smiles. I am sure that I spread smiles while I am selling balloons and I do have fun. At the end of the day if I have only sold 3 balloons and clowned for 5 hours then I feel like I am a failed businessman and not a successful clown. I would rather just be a successful clown. So, I will put clowning on the back-burner and go to work and when I find some free time, I will go back to Clowning.

Our Clown Alley had our meeting this last Tuesday at the Boss Clown's church. It is a huge church with a children's area that is themed to look like a movie theater. We had the meeting and then watched some videos of Red Skelton and Carol Burnett. It was great fun! And, we had popcorn and pink lemonade!

There is a parade this Monday, Labor Day, at the Kettering Holiday at Home celebration. I haven't decided yet whether I will participate or not. I love parades...but...coming on the heels of my Chemo and my worrisome mind, I don't feel like I would be able to give it my all. And, far be it from me to let down my clown buddies or my legion of fans...I just don't feel like I could cope with it mentally or physically.
I have been praying for direction and understanding. What will be, will be.
Tomorrow is another day...
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !

SoBe lifewater

Well, this Alimta is not too bad...a lot of fatigue for a few days. But, otherwise, it doesn't mess with me like the other Chemo did. I had a few stabbing pains in my stomach from exercising too much. My shoulders have gotten really thin and I tried doing some sit-ups and push-ups. When my body tries to repair or strengthen tissue it signals the Chemo that something is suspicious and it attacks the process right away. They are tweaking drugs all of the time to try to keep them from targeting normal cells but I would imagine that it is very difficult to distinguish between fast-dividing/growing normal cells and cancer cells!
All year long I have been trying different things to get me through this. I have mentioned the Bath and Body Works product of Eucalyptus-Spearmint body lotion that helps with aching joints and peripheral neuropathy. And, the Swiss Kriss that is great for constipation and is all natural. Also, the Chemo changes your sense of taste and meat doesn't always taste very good so I have tried different fish and have also become a regular boiled-egg consumer. Beets and spinach and lettuce and tomatoes and olives taste fine. I don't drink milk anymore. I was constantly hunting for fruit juice that was not from concentrate. I know, buy fruit and make your own...I do that now and again.
Most of the juices and liquids and products that I have purchased in years past are now becoming infused with artificial sweeteners, so I have to spend a lot of time reading labels!
Early on I discovered SoBe Lifewater!
I had gone to a couple of Birthday parties and when someone offered me a bottle of water I was able to take about 3 sips and then I would choke if I drank more! It seemed that the water was just too thin. Carbonated drinks didn't have that effect, but there is way too much sugar in sodas and the sweetness is way too sweet for my taste buds! I tried SoBe and found it to be just the right viscosity and sweetness.

I like the Yumberry Pomegrante and fuji apple and dragonberry. I like all of them, in fact, but I find myself leaning towards the Yumberry most of the time...probably because of the name!
I started Chemo not knowing what to expect and it took several treatments before I was able to become accustomed to all of the side effects and how to deal with them. I read forums and blogs and talked to the Doctors and other people. A lot of the time I got an answer, "Well, everyone is different..." I do know that there are some commonalities though: constipation, hydration, fatigue and weird pains!
That is why I decided to keep this blog updated every step of the way. So that other people can know what to expect and how I am able to cope !
So, the lesson for today is if you want to stay hydrated and you want something that won't choke you and tastes just right and doesn't contain artificial sweeteners and a lot of other garbage -- grab yourself a bottle of SoBe and see if it works for you like it does for me ! This is unsolicited, but if I find a product that I think highly of, then I am going to shout it to the World !
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!

2nd Round of Chemo--Alimta

Well, I had my second round of Alimta on Friday. It went well and faster, too. Last time it took 4 hours but this time it was only 2 hours ! That's an improvement. I looked at my blog from the 1st Alimta and I couldn't get any sleep for a couple of days. This time, I have laid down twice for a couple of hours and couldn't sleep--so I guess that is normal.The lack of sleep is because of the steroids they give me before and after the treatment that is to prevent a rash. I had a rash for several days before this last treatment. On my shoulder and then my back. The medicine apparently works right up until the next treatment.
I also felt like my head was warm, like a fever, but I checked and I didn't have a fever. I started feeling flu-like symptoms but they didn't last long. The extreme fatigue hasn't set in yet, but I imagine that it will by tomorrow evening. I will have to pace myself and watch out for it. It usually lasts for 4-5 days, I think. And then I feel pretty normal.

A woman from the church, Brenda, gave me a ride to my Oncologist on Thursday and then took me to my Chemo on Friday. I am so blessed to belong to a church that can help me with transportation when I need it. My wife has an irratic work schedule so she is not always available.
While I was receiving my Chemo, Marty the Clown stopped by and brought me a really cool shirt...clown shirt...one that squeaks...check it out:

                                      --------> click for video New Shirt

My next Chemo will be on August 31. I need to start looking for some part-time work. I wasn't able to work during my first round of Chemo this year (6 months) because it really laid me low. And, although I kept a good attitude, I know that it was in the back of my mind that things could go horribly wrong...that it could get away from me. I never got depressed, but I came close a few times. Cancer is a strong determinant of how you think about your life. I just kept praying for others and telling God that I was ready to go where ever he had a plan for me. Whether it was to stay on this Earth or to be in Heaven...or to Go to Mars !  Anyway, I made it through the first 6 months of this year and, originally, I thought I might not make it through the Summer. Now, I am hoping to make it to Christmas. According to my Doctors, I have responded well to the Chemo so far and have a good chance of going 4 or 5 more years. But, I will leave that to the Lord. I won't quit, I won't back down, but I will accept whatever comes my way...
I have been fortunate to enjoy a lot of Clowning so far this year. Most of it Volunteer or simply going out and sharing the Smiles. While I am looking for work, I will continue looking for Clown gigs and also volunteer wherever I am needed to do some clowning.
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!!

When Normal is Great !

It has been 3 weeks since my last Chemo and the first experience with Alimta. So far, the only bad side effects are fatigue and most of that has abated. I get tired easily if I am doing physical stuff, but I mostly feel myself again!
 Although, I had a nightmare last night wherein a large angelfish was trying to chew my toes off. I awoke screaming (I don't guess it was out loud because it didn't wake my wife) and the first thing I noticed was that my toes felt like they were being stabbed by an ice-pick! I jumped up and ran into the living room and grabbed my eucalyptus/spearmint lotion and slathered it on. I checked my med-log and noticed that it had been 5 hours since my last pain med, so I took one. Then I decided to walk outside to get some fresh air and walk it off. But, there was a skunk in the back yard! I looked around and saw a half-brick lying by the drain spout and I threw it at him to try to get him to leave the yard. He looked at me with a look that said, "Want to try that again?" Now, he wasn't threatening me, he was merely calling attention to my foolishness. So, I went back inside and out the front door and walked around for about 10 minutes in front of the house. I felt better and finally made it back to sleep. But all and all I feel pretty good. My feet always seem to be half-asleep and tingling and burning, but the pain meds take that away.
I have another treatment coming up...maybe this Friday, I don't know. I see my oncologist on Thursday and I surmise he will let me know what will happen. I read an article on the BBC website that said that Chemo treatments actually work against themselves because when they attack normal cells, the body strengthens its immune system and fights the Chemo. That means that the Chemo becomes ineffective, or less effective, over time. I had read on several cancer forums that medications cease to be effective after awhile, so I guess this is the reason (or one of them) why.
For the last 5 years or so I have had the pleasure of entertaining at a family reunion in Wilmington for the Oldest Black Family reunion in the country. It started in 1893! I was wondering if I would get a call this year--as the usual date was fast approaching. I had this on my mind when I got home from running some errands last Thursday and lo and behold---they called me for that Saturday! My wife graciously drove me to the reunion and it was a lot of fun and a grand experience! At one point they mentioned that it was President Obama's Birthday and though I am not a big fan of his leadership, I gladly joined in when they sang Happy Birthday ! We should always celebrate another person's Birthday.
Here is a video of me at the Reunion:

                                                     click HERE:   Simpson Family Reunion 2012


Also, I will appearing at a local library this Wednesday. I hope to do some Magic and Walkaround and, of course, twist some balloons:

Things are looking up...this pic is from a print that Patty Vicknair sent to me. She painted it. She is a remarkable artist and the link to her site and paintings is on the right side of this page-----> .

I imagine the next Chemo will put me out of action for a week with extreme fatigue, but the Lord is good and I hope that it goes as well as last time and that I can get some more Normal!

Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !