Early into the treatments I told my Radiation Oncologist that I thought that I was finally getting over the extreme fatigue that I had experienced with all of the Chemos. I told him that I was just starting to obtain some normalcy. He advised me to enjoy it while I could because the Radiation was going to hit me like a sledge-hammer. That bad? Could be...but, he thought that I had such a positive attitude and that I was following all of the advice and methods to prevent side-effects, that maybe mine wouldn't be so bad. In truth, I didn't get a sore throat or much acid reflux. I didn't develop a cough--well, just a little, but not much. And, I didn't have trouble swallowing.
I did experience extreme weakness. At first I found out that when I had an overwhelming tiredness I could lie down for just 20 minutes and it would go away. I discovered that sitting for a time would really wear me out...how? I would try to go outside and walk for 10 minutes. I would go and visit somebody. But, the weakness was debilitating. I didn't want to lie down because it made me feel lazy and I had too much to do. I would log onto the computer and attempt to check my email but it would tire me out. I might read one message and then give up. It was depressing so I stopped even trying to use the computer on most days.
I was still interested in everything and curious about the outside world. But, it was too much energy trying to keep up.
I found myself going to bed earlier in the evening. I am a night owl so this was not like me. I would lie down at 9pm or 10pm....get up again, sometimes, at 3am and try to do something. Couldn't. So, I would lie back down.
Except for weekends, I was up every morning at 9am...my ride (thanks to all of the wonderful Church people that volunteered to take me to my treatments!) would pick me up at 11am and I would arrive at my treatment at 11:45. I was usually home by 1:15pm. Most days I would go and visit Gary and Susan but I wouldn't stay for long. I would want to go to the park or the store or visit the nursing home, but I just couldn't find the energy.
Added to this lack of energy, the dietician said that I needed to gain weight and to pack on the calories by eating every two hours. I dropped about 9 pounds right off the bat and I knew when I looked in the mirror that I was a skeleton!
During Chemo I had been eating mainly for energy so, I ate a lot of protein and eschewed pasta and breads and anything that didn't taste right. Now, I had to eat everything in sight. I began snacking on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, drinking Boost, eating Macaroni and cheese, potatatoes. Eating was also wearing me out. I gained 2 1/2 pounds one week and 2 ounces the next week. Through all of my Chemo I had maintained a constant weight. By the end of my Radiation treatments I had lost 5 lbs. Not bad...but it was a lot of work and it drained me.
They said that the weakness may continue for another month. I still have trouble with my feet from the Chemos. My nails are bothering me on my hands. I don't know where the Chemo side effects delineate from the Radiation ones. I have notes all over the house with "things to do" and it overwhelms me to look at them even. I am going to finish a few things and then I am going to throw out all of the notes and straighten out my room and start fresh.
I worry about depression but don't know how I could be depressed because I am an optimist and I love life...but, I worry about all that I have to get done and I worry that the cancer might return and hit me in the brain...I worry about where the cancer will pop-up next....I never worried about that before but I just don't feel right, somehow. And, I don't have the strength to distract myself.
I should be overjoyed that I have endured 16 months of straight Chemo and 6 weeks of Radiation. I should be thankful and happy that I have had the best Dr.'s and technicians and medical staff. I should be relieved to know that we have this Cancer on the run. I should thank the Good Lord above for holding me every night and walking with me every day...
Tomorrow is another day...I'll be able to do more....I'll feel better....
Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!
No comments:
Post a Comment