When I'm 64

Today is my Birthday and I feel pretty good...considering. I always thought that when I reached my 60's (I'm 64 as of today) that I would write the books down that I have been carrying around in my head all of these years. I would get back to my oil painting and I would knuckle-down and work hard until I hit 80 ! I never dreamed that I would become a clown. It has certainly defined me, though.
This year my clowning entered the realm of Doppler shifts...I was clowning in Parades and at birthday parties and block parties and at charity events. I enjoyed visiting patients in Hospitals and I loved going to Nursing Homes. But, that was Last Year !
The big Doppler Effect smacked me in January of this year. The Doppler Effect, you will remember if you took Physics in high school or University (I never did) was named after an Austrian physicist, Christian Doppler in 1842 and had to do with the frequency of waves (light and sound). If a fire truck comes roaring down the street you will hear a change in the siren as it approaches and then races by and down the road.
That pretty much typifies my clowning this year. I couldn't schedule any events or appearances because I never knew how I would be feeling. There was no order in my clowning. So, whenever I felt half-way energized I would staple my nose on and grab my hat and stickers and go around town visiting friends and businesses and passing out stickers and a clown nose or two. Just to cheer people up. Because it cheered me up! It made me feel like I still could be an asset to society. It became a lifestyle instead of an avocation or professional appearance. I was the Town Clown ! I didn't busk. I didn't stand on street corners and twist balloon animals. I simply made my rounds and let people know that somebody wanted to see them smile!
So that has been the first half of this year. I wonder what the second half will portend? I haven't been in any parades yet. The first opportunity will come on July 4th. I am really looking forward to it. On the 3rd of July is a block party that I would like to appear at also. I don't have any more Chemo Treatments. So, it should be a safe bet that I will be feeling enough energy to be involved in these happenings!
Last week was a disaster. I had planned on visiting a friend in the hospital. I had made a date to participate in the Relay for Life, locally. And, I had arranged a ride to go to a Street Fair in a happening town about 15 miles away. Missed them all!
Since the Chemo chemicals have apparently gobbled-up all of the apparent cancer cells, they decided to go after my normal cells. I always experience a mild Peripheral neuropathy in my toes and fingers. This time it spread about my entire hands and feet. When I would go to wash my hands, even though I was using tepid water, it felt scalding. And the bottoms of my feet felt like I was walking on hot coals. Add to that the knee pains and all of the other stabbing pains and I was having a hard time getting around in the house--let alone trying to go anywhere. Usually it only lasts 3 days after a Chemo. This time it lasted 8 days.
Yesterday I got out and about for a while and I am feeling fairly well right now.
I still consider myself blessed. My oncologist, Dr. Safa, and my surgeon, Dr. Zeller, have been very positive and caring towards me. I have read several cancer blogs where they mentioned that their Doctor told them to start planning their funeral or that the treatment was not going to work. My doctors have never mentioned a prognosis, either. Other than to tell me that I had responded very well to the Chemo. I remember telling my doctors that I had read that Stage IV would yield only another 8 to 12 months of life. And, if I made it to 5 years that only 4% of patients got that far. They looked at me like I was sorely mistaken and counter-productive. They said that the only thing for certain was that I would enjoy many good years ! So, I am blessed to have such skillful and compassionate medical people in my corner. And, even when I wanted to arrange a payment plan for their services, they told me to not worry about it and to go about getting better and better.

from my donations site

I am blessed by the Lord. And, the church that I attend. The church has graciously gotten me to my appointments when my wife had to work or had a job interview. It means a lot when you meet people who are so giving and caring. That is one of the main reasons that I have to get better. I need to get back to the Nursing Homes and hospitals. I need to be attentive and available when someone that is having a hard time needs some help--that I can offer some assistance. In the world of the Caring Clown, or Hospital Clown, it is not necessary to be a rowdy clown or a clown that is seeking laughter. Sometimes it is merely being there to listen and to share some smiles.
Clowning is an art form. It is entertainment. But, for me, it is a lifestyle. It is part of my nature to recognize the foibles and feelings and failings. Then to turn them around to a positive experience so that we can all smile at the fact that bad times can turn into good times!
Life is Good, Life is an Adventure...!  And, I am anxious to tie on my big shoes and go pass out some smiles !!!

Rain or Shine !