The Endgame

I went to see my Doctor this past Thursday to get the results of my PET scan. I had read that when people finish their Chemo treatments, they sometimes experience depression because of the lack of attention that they had been getting during Chemo...of course, I have had such great, ongoing support from my family and friends, my church, the Clown community, the Medical community, Facebook and, of course, the Lord ! My only concern after my last Chemo was that I wanted to be able to regain my energy level.
I remember how I had to sleep in a recliner for 12 weeks or more, beginning in December of last year and how I couldn't wait to be able to lie down, to roll over and stretch out and to sleep longer than 3 or four hours ! And, the Chemo wreaked havoc on my body and energy. I tried to exercise and rebuild my muscle tone and body mass. The Chemo had other ideas. It targets normal cells as well as cancer cells. So, when you are trying to get some muscle tone, the Chemo attacks you. I would be walking around the house and it would feel like I was stepping on a tack now and again. If I did stretching exercises and resistance exercises, I would experience stabbing pains in my side, my stomach, my arms, my chest. I knew what they were. The Pac-Man Chemo undoing the work I had been trying to do to rebuild my body. It was a delicate dance.
I weathered the Chemo pretty well. And, although my doses of pain medication fluctuated wildly, I didn't overdo it or depend on it. After a Chemo treatment I might have to take my pain meds every 2-3 hours for a week to feel better. And, then I would go back to every 5 hours for a time. Then to every 3 hours (which seemed to be best for me). Lately, I have been going 5-7 hours between medication. Occasionally I have to go back to every 3 hours. They say that it is not good to chase pain...and, that is true. If I go 7 hours without a pill, it takes a while to get back to being pain free. The pain is mostly in my neck from the biopsy. It feels like a hand has grabbed the side of my neck and is trying to twist a part of it out. And, that makes my shoulder throb. But, I have been trying to see how long I can go without the pain medication--with mixed results.
So, back to the Dr. visit...I went there feeling very upbeat. The friends that gave me the ride were going to let me accompany them to see their sister who is in rehab from a double knee replacement. She is also a long-time friend of mine.
When I got to the Dr. they ushered me into the lab for a blood test, which surprised me. I hadn't expected it. But, I always joke and clown with the ladies in the lab and did so this time. I gave the woman who stuck my finger a clown sticker and a clown nose. She remarked that she had seen the pictures that I had sent to the office, thanking the Dr. and staff for their fine treatment of me and their compassion and professionalism.

 Then, I went into the Dr's office. He said that the PET scan showed me to be cancer-free...
(from the report): "Many of the lung lesions are no longer present and the ones that were present have benign uptake values...No definite new lesions are identified."
He did say, however, that my type of cancer was shown to come back and to present itself in different ways or areas. So, he was going to start me on a new treatment regimen with a drug called Alimta. I would need to take B-12 shots and take folic acid and another drug to prevent skin rash. He wanted to start me on it right away. He asked me if I wanted to think about it. I did, but I told him that I would tentatively start on July 21st. The office then set me up an appointment for a few hours later to get the B-12. I was in shock. And, riding with someone else. I told them I didn't feel like walking home, that it was 20 miles away and that I would call them later.
I left the office totally bummed out...mostly out of consternation. I should have talked more to the Doctor, but I was in shock. I was looking forward to regaining a normal life...to regaining my energy levels. I asked him how long I would need the treatments. He indicated (unspokenly) that it was undetermined. He did say, however, that I would be on the treatments indefinitely unless he decided to stop them.
I went to visit my friend and then came home. I told a few people of the new development. Some responses were, "If you are healed, why go for more treatments?" And, of course, I read how some people forgo treatments and live a long time. And, some people do well with the treatments, some don't. It is an energy killer so that is why they give you folic acid and B-12 and steroids. Also, I read that this type of treatment needs to be started right away after a typical Chemo regimen.
The studies I read said that it increases a person's lifespan by 2-3 months over someone that had a placebo. Some people have been taking it for several years. Some couldn't tolerate it.
I have decided to start with it. It might mean going back to feeling the roller-coaster effects that I had with the other Chemo. I trust in the Lord's healing and the medical treatments. I accept my healing. But, I also feel that if the cancer is going to try to come knocking on my door again that I should make it difficult for it to enter. I also feel that, by undergoing this further treatment, more can be learned so that other patients will have better knowledge. I will try the stuff and stop it if it becomes too much for me. I won't look for an easy way out, though. If I have to go through another year of difficulty in order to gain more time, I am all for it.
I have been praying unceasingly. Not for me, but for others. For people with problems...for people without problems. For blessings for all. For wisdom and fairness and compassion from the Leaders of this world. For an end of suffering for those in War Zones. For lots of things. But, I have told the Lord that he has the promise of where he needs me...Heaven or Earth (or Mars).
On Sunday, I plan to participate in a softball tournament. My friend, Gary, has always coached teams and has entered his family and friends and neighbors in this tournament. He has called the team, Fenton's Follies Featuring Careful the Clown ! That means that I get to clown and I will surely get to bat at least once !

On the 3rd, I plan to be at the Fairborn Block Party to do some Walk-Around clowning. Then, on the 4th, I plan to participate in the Fairborn Parade.
Next weekend, the 6th and 7th, I plan to be at the Dayton Airshow with the Mars Society. I have been there several years and sometimes I twist Alien Swords and Princess Wand balloons. I talk with the attendees about Mars Exploration. The Mars Society always has an excellent exhibit.
So, I have a lot planned between now and the New Treatment on the 21st. After that? Who knows...with the Grace of God I will be able to get back to some gainful employment. I look forward to the day when I can be Clowning with Gusto! (Gusto is not another clown...). I have billed myself as Almost Famous..and then, Nearly Famous. I have joked that I am unsure as to whether I am eligible to attend a Cancer Survivor event. I would like to forget that this whole thing ever happened!
One thing is certain, however--Life is Good, Life is an Adventure !