Motivation

A good friend from our church came by yesterday to shave my head. My hair was getting to the point  where it was just a few wisps and I was tired of shedding. I was wearing bandannas and hats, not to hide my hair loss, but to keep it from falling out all over the house and making a mess. After she shaved it I gave it a cursory look and then we headed to an appointment with my neck surgeon. I took my dog, JoJo, who looks like a wig on an invisible dog leash. I tell people that it is what I have done with the hair that I have lost. Some people believe me, some think JoJo is a real dog and most have a good laugh. I also tell them that it is actually my hamster that I have to disguise as a dog so the cats don't attack him. 

The waiting room at my surgeon's office was fairly occupied and I had a good time sharing some smiles with the patients and staff. It seems that the clowning that I am doing nowadays is at Dr. appointments and chemo treatments ! I doubt that I could handle an hour or two gig, so these little forays into my own traveling circus are satisfying to me and to those wonderful people that I encounter along the way. One would think that people would react like: "What is that guy doing dressed up like that and clowning around?  Is he sick? Is he in denial. Doesn't he take his condition seriously?"  I have excellent Doctors and medical care and their staff is so professional. I have my Clown to share and I believe that it brings just as much healing to those around me as it does to me. I always thought my Clown would be curmudgeonly or poignant. I find, though, that Careful is getting happier, though. I can keep him in check...he is bordering on buffoonery, but he is just one, happy, carefree Clown for now !

The surgeon is, like my oncologist, very attentitive--spends plenty of time talking with me and answering my questions. I don't always have a lot of questions, but through the conversations I find my way in seeking answers. He seems to think that I am responding well with my chemo (as does my oncologist). He said it is good that my cancer has not spread and that I have a good appetite and that I don't have problems with swallowing or breathing. I asked him what it was doing to me. He explained what is known about cancer and what wasn't. He said the chemo was roaming throughout my body destroying anything suspicious that it could find. He gave me a fairly good prognosis. In that, I mean, when I first found out that I was advanced and at Stage 4 and had read a little bit about it I learned that the prognosis was between 8 months and 1 year. But, my Doctors seem to think that if I responding so well to the chemo that I would have several years to work with this. What shape and what energy level I will have, I don't know. I feel so fatigued and when I want to be motivated and useful, my body tries to fight me. 

I am just starting to feel the pain and side effects (minimal) from the chemo. They are annoying and are a lot of joint pain and uncomfortable. I feel like walking around and my knees hurt and I tire easily. But, I move around anyway. I try to sit or lie down to rest and can for about 3 hours until the pain medicine wears off and I have to get back up. I try to watch TV but it doesn't hold much interest for me. My wife and I watched a couple of movies last nite...one was too gory so we turned it off...the second was mediocre and I fell asleep...ha.  We have good conversations and eat well. Her sister is very caring and brought us over some great food on Sunday. Sloppy Joes, banana pudding, pasta salad, potato salad...great stuff !

Today is supposed to be full of sun and fairly warm. I hope to be able to walk down to the park. I'm sure I can get there...will be a challenge coming back. I still try to walk everyday. I don't try to push it, but I don't try to slack off either !  It feels like I am caught between trying to do a lot and trying not to do too much. I think I will coast a little this week and see what I am able to do. Last time I had my chemo, the joint pain and other side effects only lasted for 3 days. I am aware that there is also a cumulative amount but I guess I'll just have to find that out. 

Anyway, Life is Good and Life is an Adventure !!