The E-Girls, Susan and Linda, have been hard at work making me this outfit. It has been a labor of Love ! I love the color orange, so it was a nice surprise. The first time that I tried it on and looked in the mirror, it made me smile and laugh. I am used to being a Tramp/hobo/misfit character. Some clowns have even said that I am a bit of an Auguste. But, this new outfit seems to change my character's personality a wee bit. It makes me somewhat sillier. With my other outfits that are a hodgepodge of tuxedo or bright sportcoats, I feel gruff. I enjoy arguing with the children. I have an "invisible dog" leash with a wig attached to it and the kids are always wondering if it is a real dog or not. So, that is always a point of contention. And, I have a mouse and a monkey in a blanket and they always want to know if they are real... Also, whenever a child requests a spaceship balloon or dinosaur or penguin, etc., I like to tell them that when I was attending the Klown Kollege of Komedy Knowledge that I wasn't feeling well the day they had the balloon classes and never learned how to make the different balloon animals and sculptures! Then, I proceed to make an Alien Sword or Princess Wand and try to force it on them. If they continue to insist on a particular balloon, though, I go ahead and make it! It's just that a part of my character entertains through interaction and a lot of the kids like to be vocal and silly. So, the banter is a big part of my act.
When I wore the new outfit, I wondered how it would manifest itself in my entertainment. It did make me a lot more playful and silly. I will be watching to see how my character evolves as I wear the new outfit. Since I look for every opportunity to clown around, I usually am wearing some clownish clothes and a hat and my red nose. I will save the new outfit for "official" gigs, I guess.
I was at the picnic for nearly two hours and all was fun and it didn't seem to tire me out. However, these past few days since my Chemo have been full of fatigue. I think that the Alimta must prevent my body from replenishing itself with energy, protein, carbos and calories if I have exerted myself with too much strenuous activity. If I am re-arranging things around the house or trying to do some repairs or painting there comes a point (usually after 20 to 45 minutes) when I just can't do any more. When I have exerted myself and used-up some energy, I am completely done! The only thing I can do is lie down for a few hours and let my body replenish itself gradually. It is frustrating, for sure.
Then, Monday nite I had problems with my allergies (ragweed, etc.) and when I went to bed I awoke a few hours later and was drowning. My system was manufacturing so much phlegm in reaction to the allergies and it was pouring into my lungs and I couldn't catch a breath. I got up and had some warm liquids and coughed and coughed and blew my nose constantly for an hour in a feeble attempt to breathe. I thought I was going to have to wake my wife and have her take me to the ER. In the end, I sat in my recliner and drank warm liquids and finally fell asleep for awhile.
I have asked the Drs. and looked for answers online to see how this all will end. I don't think about Cancer anymore...haven't for quite some time. My overwhelming thoughts are taken over by the effects of the Chemo and the extreme fatigue that it proffers. But, when I have an episode like the allergies or when I felt that I was getting a cold and worried that it would turn into pneumonia, I think of Death. We all have to die sometime and it could happen in an accident or a heart attack without warning...I know all that. It is just that when you have a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer, you know that your time is limited and you wonder it the end will be with a lot of cancer pain or eating away or organs failing--or what? I surmise that my time will end somewhat peacefully due to pneumonia or an inability to breathe due to allergies and lung congestion. I guess I should talk to my oncologist to see if there is a way to prevent that!
Anyway, I am glad I was able to clown around at the picnic and it didn't tire me out ! I really want to do more if I can find a way to circumvent this energy-draining thing. If I can just get to a point where I know which days I will be normal and energized. I know that the first few days (this time it has been a lot longer, maybe I need to stop trying so hard!) are rough but I usually get back to normal by the second week.
Well, Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!
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