Diagnosis update

I have a very capable oncologist...went to see him today and he was very informative and described what was happening to me. He said that radiation treatments were not appropriate in my case. Surgery is also not on the horizon, aside from removing some of the neck mass for study and to relieve some pain and other symptoms. The cancer is evidently in both lungs. As he talked to me about chemotherapy being a possibility, I asked him at what stage the malignancy was. He said, "Stage 4".  I had thought maybe it was Stage 3 which has a 50/50 chance, so I mentioned to him that I had just read some literature in his waiting room that pointed to Stage 4 being not curable...he looked at me, frowned a bit and then brightened, "Let's not worry about that, when we are able to get some more tissue we will know what chemicals will work for the type of cancer that you have. And, the chemotherapy may be able to slow it down or stop it from spreading."  Makes sense to me. I have every confidence in his ability and wisdom and dedication. I also have a tremendous faith in the Lord. Finally, I have an excellent support group of family, friends, church, and fellow clowns. Therefore, I am not alone in this fight and I am well-equipped to do battle. The curious thing of it all is that I am much more worried about my family and friends than I am about myself. I am an optimist and realist. I find humor and beauty and sweetness in nearly everything I encounter. I have always thought that if there were such a thing as Reincarnation that this must be my first trip through this Reality. Everything has always sparked a tremendous curiousity in me. Everyday of my life it has been as if I am seeing everything for the first time---probably justifies my failure to learn from mistakes, ha. But, I have always greeted each morning with such elation that many times people have turned to me to ask "What are you so happy about ?!" I have had my parade rained on many times, but I have never gone a day without a smile and a laugh. And, if I ever found myself in a moment of dread, I always had the hackneyed expression to rely on: "Someday we'll look back on this and have a good laugh!"
I wish I had the capacity for some depression or acute sadness or anger or frustration...some might say I am in a denial...no, I feel like I have been slammed with a heavy dose of dark matter...it's just that life is way too beautiful and interesting and I don't want to waste time on negative thoughts. I want to keep experiencing the blessings and happiness that lights the World around me...