My Kingdom for a Nap

This new Chemo drug is a wee bit less than the other Chemo treatments. Whenever I would come home from the previous plan, I would feel fairly normal for a couple of days and would have various stabbing pains and aches...then, I would start feeling tired and would try to live life normally and be mildly amused by the pricks of pain as the drugs roamed in my body, zapping cells that seemed suspicious. This new drug, Alimta, mostly hands me extreme fatigue. I can get going, but I can't keep going. I feel so drained, even though they gave me B-12, folic acid, and steroids. My appetitite is still fine. A difference in the fatigue, though, is that it is unrelenting. Since Friday, I have tried to get some sleep--or even take a nap. I lie down and try to listen to podcasts (the usual: Bob and Ray, Writers and Company, Jack Benny, Laugh out Loud, et. al.). I may doze for a few minutes or even an hour, but I don't feel the satisfaction of a Rest. There is no rejuvenating REM's or warmth of a re-charge. I wake up just as tired and uncomfortable as when I first lay down.
This evening, though, I slept for about 3 hours and actually felt some relief ! And, then, my wife and I watched the season opener of Warehouse 13 on Scy-fy and I fell asleep in the last 5 minutes of the show. But, woke after 20 minutes and was mildly refreshed. So, maybe I will be able to handle some of  these side effects with the Alimta.
I have gotten out and about and have done some housework and even tried to do some yardwork. But, I get so tired so quickly, that I can't sustain much activity. Maybe now that I am getting some refreshing naps I will begin to get some semblance of energy. There are some clowning things I want to do this week and I am going to try to do them. Seems like in the last couple of months, whenever I have lined-up 3 or 4 major activities in a week, I can usually do at least 2 of them. We'll see--and I will try to perservere!
My Hair is roaring back ! I was fairly used to my bald pate and everyone else seemed to enjoy it. When you are bald, you have no limit on hats and wigs and funny stuff to put on your head ! A side effect of this new drug is possible hair loss so it might be two steps forward and one step back. Who knows? Anybody? I have been shaving every day for the last couple of weeks also. All I need is for my voice to start changing and it will be like going through a second Puberty ! I am actually getting some acne, too.
Here is a picture from a Block Party in Fairborn in 2009. I was walking a Premonition of my fallen hair! People would come up and say, "That's not a real dog !"  To which I always reply, "Of course it is and his name is JoJo!"  Relenting later, I would confess that it was my Hamster named JoeJoe and he was disguised as a dog so the cats wouldn't go for him !

I have been reading some forums and following some more Cancer blogs. It is hard to pay attention to all of them, but I try. I try to learn from them--at least compare my experience. One blog, in particular, that I read is by SK, a man from Malaysia.His Blog--Living With Lung Cancer He has an amazing faith in the Lord and a lot of good information and insight. Keep him in your prayers and send him an email--or at least some good vibes. Knowing that there are people out there, no matter how remote, that care and acknowledge you, means a lot. This is a lonely journey--make no mistake about it !

I receive a lot of support from family and friends....and, no matter how social I try to be and how much I try to stay focused or happy or whatever, it still feels like this battle is so personal and mysterious that it can only be fought alone. The Lord heals. The doctors treat. The people around me help out in amazing ways. In the final analysis, the thought process is always on guard, alert, watching and waiting. The brain cells listening for any sign of redemption. Any pain or ache or discomfort is merely a sign of cancer--a given. What I watch for is normalcy---continued normalcy. There are patterns of fatigue and sickness and pain. But, I watch for a pattern of normalcy. If I do this, will I have energy? If I eat this will I feel better? If I go for a walk and smile at someone, will I feel a glow inside?

The Cancer seems as if it can act without reason or retribution. If it is knocked down, it doesn't seem to care because it knows it is always a threat to you and no matter how weak or strong you might feel, it can come back and attack you at anytime. I can ignore it and keep on keeping on, which I mostly do...but it is a constant nag. It is the opposite of how one lives a life. We mostly notice when we don't feel well. With cancer, I know that I am not well and that doesn't bother me. What I am watching for is feeling Normal. It is an odd turn of events and it takes some concentration. Is this a normal feeling? Will it last?

Anyway, this round of Chemo seems to be going well. My Red Nose is still on straight and my smile is as big as ever ! I feel strong and I feel Happy.

Life is Good...Life is an Adventure !!!